The calm at the center of a pearl

April 25, 2007

Time to render the fat

Filed under: Journaling — kyraninse @ 1:01 am

Today, my parents and I had another nice little chat about my weight. Apparently, I’m hideously overweight, not fit to be seen and no man in his right mind would fall in love/stay in love with me.For the record, I’m not obese. I’m approximately 128 pounds at 5 feet, which makes me plump, embonpoint, chubby, somewhat blubbery, but not obese. Also, I am watching my food intake as of now because I don’t actually like being heavyset, I just don’t like it when people threaten me or nag at me or prod at me constantly. It makes me want to give them the middle finger and then go and binge eat.

After I had repeatedly declared my lack of love for exercise and that I was perfectly fine the way I was and could they please stop harping about it — my dad essentially said that if I didn’t like what they were saying and if I wasn’t going to change, then this would be the last time he’d talk about it and in the future I’d lose all of my “real friends” and family because of my unwillingness to accept criticism.

Great. So now, after my uncle declared me the role model of “What NOT to do in terms of weight” and my aunt said that my jowls and fatty bits jiggled when I laugh and therefore I should not laugh — apparently now I’m to be a pariah because of my weight.


I don’t know what to think at this point.

According to them, if my friends were “real friends”, then they’d talk to me about my weight. Since they haven’t said anything and have actually assured me that I’m not fat, then they must be false friends.


My boyfriend, however, has admitted that I should lose weight.

I think I am going to lose weight.

Maybe I should just become anorexic while I’m at it.

Then, after all that, mom decided that she was going to give the pair of travel chopsticks that she originally was going to give to my boyfriend as a gift to her friend.


I probably shouldn’t read too much into it, but that makes me feel very unloved and even despised. I can’t quite believe that she would take back a gift she was going to give my boyfriend and give it to someone else. I noticed as she handed them to me to pack up to mail to Aunt Lily that the brand was “Mother’s love tableware”.

Of all the ironies.


Food today:

  • 1 liter of juice
  • Omelette (培根,蘑菇,奶酪,葱)
  • Pb&J sandwich
  • Pasta with Cincinnati chili
  • 2 bowls of corn soup
  • 1 bowl salmon fried rice
  • green beans/stir-fried beef

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