No offense to all DDR aficionados, but that’s really how I see it 😛
I haven’t updated in quite a while because of the combined efforts of finals week and severe depression. After my parents left, I immediately came down with a severe cold, which in some ways I’m inclined to blame on the bout of depression. Then, in the midst of hacking up my lungs and running a constant low-grade fever, finals week rolled around. In which incidentally, the following scene occurred:
Me: “OMG, this take home final is due this next Monday?”
Eryn: “Yeah. You didn’t realize?”
Me: “Um, I thought we had a week of no classes before finals for studying.”
Eryn: “Um, no, we don’t!”
I walk over to where Mark is sitting.
Me: “Apparently I’ve gone bat shit crazy because for some reason I thought that we had a week of no classes as ‘reading days’.”
Mark: “Since when? — you HAVE gone bat shit crazy.”
Me: “You really needn’t be that happy about it, y’know?”
Later on I was told that we did indeed have reading days, just not a full week of them. So I wasn’t entirely bat shit crazy. But anyways.
After this, I decided that it really isn’t worth it to cling to my idea of how life should be and just get down to it and lose weight.
Previously, it was my belief that so long as I was healthy, then it shouldn’t matter. Low blood pressure, able to walk long distances, able to heft more than just myself around — I thought I was fine. Fine with society saying that I need to be a size 0 at my height — fine with fending back comments from all my relatives (comments? how about PERSONAL ATTACKS?) — fine with needing to continually defending the right to be how I am as long as I harmed none, myself included.
News bulletin: no go, sister.
If the “freedom” to do all of that means that I have to continually nurse a low grade depression that can any time flare up to become a “omg, I critted your self-esteem and now you DIE” situation, then it’s really just easier to give in.
Sorry, sisters, I fought the good fight for a good portion of the past decade and I think I’m going to turn Benedict now. It was good knowing y’all and thanks for all the fish1.
BACK to DDR, after we’ve gone everywhere from my bat-shit craziness and female rights.
My boyfriend downloaded StepMania, which is a program that has ALL the DDR games ever know to the makers and then some. Apparently you can create your own “step files” where you can set out ‘dance steps’ to music. The creators even set steps to “Gorillaz”. Insanely hard, “I want to shoot the maker for killing my self-esteem” steps, but steps.
It also has a setting where you can have two people play versus each other, and the better you do, the harder your opponent’s steps become. I had so much fun with that, it absolutely ups the ante to an incredible extent when you’re not only winning, you’re sabotaging to win!
Anyways, I have decided that if I faithfully play DDR at a reasonably difficult setting for 30 minutes everyday for 1 month OR lose inches around my waist and thighs *need a measuring tape*, then I’ll either get this necklace or these earrings.
I guess it is awful to have to bribe yourself to do things — but hey, a girl’s gotta do what a girl’s gotta do, yes?
1. Refers to the Douglas Adams trilogy Hitchhiker’s guide to the galaxy in which all the dolphins leave because of earth’s imminent doom.