The calm at the center of a pearl

August 15, 2007

Smorgasbord

Filed under: Uncategorized — kyraninse @ 7:30 pm

I have an eGo-bike and I get honked at, tail-gated, and yelled at all the time. I really thought that it was just me. You know, little girl on a cute bike — what’s not to hate? Apparently though, I’m not the only one.

I sincerely don’t know what it is about cyclists/small moving vehicles that make people feel like it’s ok to taunt them. Meh.

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Today, there was another group of prospies coming through the library, and there was the requisite “IS-introduction-talk”. So, we have a senior capstone paper at our college, everyone has to spend the full school year writing about one topic that they (hopefully) feel passionately about. You’re expected to have something like 50 sources minimum, a 25 page intro, etc etc ad nauseum. (no, they don’t tell the prospies this, heh.) But you get your own adviser and it’s a huge thing.

Anyways, this dad asked, after the nice little spiel the tour guides give, “That sounds rather intimidating.”

Note that the tour guild only said that it was to be a senior capstone project and you would spend a year doing it with your own adviser.

Intimidating? Really? Is this another symptom of our society, that anything that can’t be finished within one day or a couple of hours is “intimidating”? Good grief, I wonder that we don’t all live on blogs and that novels haven’t all gone the way of the dodo. Besides, what kind of limp-wicked limpet is his son anyways?

Then he asked:”So, wouldn’t this affect his social life? Has anyone ever been so caught up in it to the detriment of other things?”

*sigh* Oh ye fond parents. (yes, fond used in all the definitions.) He’s going to be a college student.  Affect his social life? Heck, you’d be lucky if his social life doesn’t affect his IS. Good god, it’s a maybe 100 page paper, although the professors would probably like it to be much shorter. They have a life too, hard as that might be to imagine. Spread over an entire school year of 8 months, maybe give or take 3 months to find a topic and do research — it’s going to be hard, but it’s not going to be like writing a novel in one month.

Which reminds me that National Write a Novel Month is coming up again, good gracious.

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There used to be a staff lounge in the library.

Used to be, but now it’s being converted into something else.

Before that happens though, I was using it as a lunch room because it has a microwave and couches.

Well, apparently, it’s not open for student use. Even if said student is currently working 40 hours a week at the library and is just using it to make instant soup for lunch.

Also, another student who is also working full-time and commutes is likewise not allowed to park her car in the staff parking lots.

So, whereas we’re hired to do a “real job” and have all the expectations associated with it, we’re students when it comes to everything else.

No parking in the staff parking slots.

No using the staff lounge.

No being taken for your word when you take time off because you’re sick.

No taking off work early unless it’s an emergency, certifiable and documented in triplicate.

My question is how?
… sometimes there is just too much hate going around.

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August 14, 2007

My sister’s keeper — or introspection when you least want it.

Filed under: Journaling — kyraninse @ 2:49 pm

I flipped through Jodi Picoult’s “My sister’s keeper” today.

I’ve resisted reading fiction for a while. I go for science fiction, fantasy, romance set in alternate worlds and time periods — but never pure, unadulterated fiction.

I used to say that I just wasn’t interested in what the offerings were, that I was occupied enough with the massive barrage of people trying to buy into the next vampire flick, the next werewolf pulp.

The truth is, I can’t deal.

My sister’s keeper is amazingly well-written, but I couldn’t slog through it.

I’m a depressed person, I know this. I know for a fact that I’m only functional through some strange combination of fear of failing at suicide, inertia, and my up-bringing.

Now I have it driven home that I can’t/won’t read fiction because it always hits too close too home.

Angst about not having magic, having too much magic, magical plagues, being unable to shape-shift, being able to shape-shift…yada yada yada.

See, that’s fine. It’s not real, and whereas I can sympathize, it’s still not real. Not going to happen in my world. Also, the wonderful upside of either magic or awesomely advanced science is that most tragedies can either be averted or undone.

Right now there’s no magic to keep reality at bay and I just want to dive face first into whatever supernatural fluff is on my reading shelf. Introspection really isn’t all its cracked up to be.

Grrr, Winamp.

Filed under: Techy-stuff — kyraninse @ 2:29 am

So, I un-installed Vista (which came with my laptop and is therefore legal) and installed XP (don’t ask) because Winamp, under Vista, wasn’t displaying my Chinese song names and it was really really really irritating me that I had no idea what was going on with my play list.

It might not seem like a big deal, but I couldn’t enjoy my music properly when I wasn’t sure what had played, what was going to play, and HOW THE HECK am I supposed to organize my playlist when I’m not even sure what’s bloody on it?!

*skips over long epic story of reading through internet posts and etc about language display and whatnot and utterly failing to make it work on Vista*

Anyways, so my boyfriend formatted my computer and installed XP and I DL-ed Winamp —and it doesn’t display!

*skips over more long and agonizing tribulations regarding forum posts and Winamp compatibility and the DL-ing of foobar.*

So, finally, someone said: “Just go to the regional settings and change it to whatever region you need.”

It worked.

Grrr, technology.

August 1, 2007

When, where, why, how?

Filed under: Journaling — kyraninse @ 3:27 pm

I been reading Naked, and I’m feeling envy.

There’s Ebony, Essence and Jet — but where are the books and mags for Asians?

Sure, there’s literature on the Asian-American experience, there’s studies done on us/them, but where’s the pop lit for the Chinks?

Where are the re-affirming reads for the Asian girl who doesn’t fit in, who hits the glass ceiling, who is insecure about her body and eyes? Where are the entire sections of library shelves devoted to authors clamoring about the trials and tribulations faced by Asian Americans? Where are the books written by Asian Americans for Asian Americans featuring Asian Americans? (whoa, lot of repetition there)

Sure, I don’t like the fact that there’s a “Chinese studies” major. I hate the fact that so often people need to draw distinctions and claim abuse and whinge about how badly they’ve been treated because of their ethnicity or their skin color or their accent or their religion. It’s irritating as all heck is what.

I want to hear from the silent ones that are like me. It’s part of the whole Asian paradox, that there’s so little literature on them. Black people, so more obviously discriminated against, are much more vocal in their rage and support. But the Asians? They just float in and out of psychological studies and doctoral theses.

I want to know if it’s just me, or do other feel this way. If anyone else has my problems, my insecurities, my ambivalence about myself.

The fact that it’s not acknowledged by ourselves — really only serves to make that line that much more distinct.

Gyarrgh

Filed under: Journaling — kyraninse @ 2:46 pm

My new supervisor came by today with a huge stack of paper, about a ream of it, and said: “If you’re feeling bored while sitting at the desk, you can cut these up for scrap paper.”

Note: I work at the library during the summer and essentially we do everything. We pull and pack books for interlibrary loan and we unpack and we man the circulation desk. We also vacuum the shelves and books.

So, with all that we get to do on our other hours, we’re usually more than happy to sit at the desk, figuratively put our feet up and do our ‘thing’. I read fluff, my co-workers study for the GRE.

It goes unsaid, really, that there’s no such thing as being “bored” at the desk. The quibble is, if you want us to do something, don’t be all passive-aggressive about it.  Feel free to just say: “I want you to do X and Y.” You’re the supervisor, you’ve the right. Don’t spout some nonsense and still expect us to be happy and do it. Any sane person knows that the sentence you had in mind was “When you’re not checking books in or out, I want you to cut these up for scrap paper”, but now she was just setting herself up for someone to say: “I’m studying for the GRE, I’m not bored, heh.”

MEH!

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