The calm at the center of a pearl

June 21, 2008

Traumatized my brother — I think.

Filed under: Uncategorized — Tags: — kyraninse @ 11:21 pm

My brother just talked to me, asked me what was going on, etc.
He hasn’t talked to me properly in a while now, so I can’t help but think that my parents asked him to chat with me more to get a handle on my mood.
I talked with my dad recently about being depressed and I think I really surprised him because apparently he thought that me going on Prozac a while ago was just a “phase” I was going through.
So my brother asked me how I felt, and I told him the truth. I haven’t talked to him much, make that almost not that all, over the past four years, and I didn’t feel like fobbing him off with the usual “fine, thanks”.
I don’t know how he took the onslaught of information I gave him — I don’t even know if he was confused or bewildered by it. He’s such an amazingly composed person so often.
I often feel saddened that our family isn’t as close knit as it could be — I’m somewhat envious of a friend who has a familial list-serv and another who seems to have a much better extended family dynamic than I do.
But then, I’ve always felt like the duckling in the middle of swans when it comes to them.

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June 13, 2008

Another wedding, will be back anon

Filed under: Uncategorized — kyraninse @ 2:54 am

This time it’s Courtanna’s wedding. We’ll be traveling on Friday the 13th, so wish us luck, all those that are superstitious.

It’s going to be 15 hours on the bus and then some. We’ll be staying at a friend’s place, so maybe Internet will still be in session. Kenny, Karl, and Sarah will all be there. I suspect it will be great fun.

June 12, 2008

New blog!

Filed under: Uncategorized — kyraninse @ 4:09 pm

I’ve been fiddling with a new blog and figured I should tell people about it.

Sometimes it’s easier to just link someone to something that I’ve written a page on rather than try to hash it out over IM, and I really wanted something that I could link anyone and everyone to.

Frankly, I’ve tried to make this a drama-free zone, but it’s failed. I do tend to want to write about what’s going on in my mind and the drama that often fills it. As such, it’s hardly something that fit for consumption by people like my coworkers.

So I made a new blog. Something I can show my parents, for example.

I’ll keep posting here, but it’ll be more of a personal blog rather than the pseudo-serious blog I was trying to make it.

I don’t know who-all reads this, but if you’re not one of my RL friends, drop me a note and I’ll email the new URL to you.

June 10, 2008

Drama makes the world go round

Filed under: Journaling — Tags: — kyraninse @ 12:27 pm

Got back about two days ago from the wedding.

It was hectic, exhausting, utterly worth the trip, and not something I’d ever want a repeat of.

Just had a convo with a friend and feeling rather slapped at the moment. I’m sure it’s silly of me to feel that way, but I was trying to talk about how I saw a certain issue and he said that he really didn’t want to talk about such things anymore. Such things being prattling about the issues our friends have, I suppose.

Made me feel like a gossip-mongering whore, which I’m positive wasn’t his intent.

But anyways.

I like to discuss people. What makes them tick, why they did something, what they did that made me upset, what they’re doing wrong at the moment, what they’re doing right, what’s going on in their life, etc.

I don’t like shying away from topics just because it’s uncomfortable and I hate it when someone tells me to cut what we’re talking about short because it might be offensive or because it’s awkward making.

I don’t try to offend, I just try to understand as thoroughly as I can what you think about the subject and try to tell my point of view. If the calm exchange of information is offensive, then that grates on my nerves.

June 3, 2008

Livejournal prompts

Filed under: Uncategorized — kyraninse @ 10:59 pm

Heh.

Don’t know if I like ’em or think they’re stupid…but…

“If you had the chance to go crazy and completely overhaul your appearance, what would you do?”

That’s such an awkwardly phrased question. Go crazy and completely overhaul how? As in plastic surgery crazy? Or “zomg I’m plastic putty lookit what I can do to myself” crazy? Or, are we going to be lame and just go for a haircut? Or makeup? Or..

What’s really odd for me is that I often look in the mirror and am completely surprised by the person who looks out at me. If I were the character of a fantasy novel, this would be my cue that obviously I’m either a faerie princess / alien / fill in the blank wierdo in hiding and my appearance has been changed for my own protection. As I’m fairly certain that my life is not in fantasy novel mode — I have no idea why this is so. It’s not self-esteem either, which would be the easy answer to that question, I just am sincerely surprised to see that person in the mirror when I’m expecting someone else.

I’m going to go with the “zomg I’m silly putty and I can do whatever I want to myself” setting of that question because it would be the most entertaining.

I think I would grow a couple of inches. I’m fairly tired of being in the almost always non-existent petite section of clothing stores. Also, it’s kind of frustrating to realize that I’m afraid to confront people because I’m afraid when they’re about a foot or so taller than me on average and correspondingly weighs more. I think 5’5 would be a nice compromise.

I’m not even sure what puts me off about my features, but I think I want longer eyelashes. I want Chris’ eyelashes. Or longer, thicker, etc.

I don’t really dislike my face. Higher cheekbones, bigger eyes, and a slimmer nose would be nice — if I were really going into small changes.

Eh.

Does anyone else have that “wait, who is that staring out at me from the mirror?” thing often?

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