The calm at the center of a pearl

June 21, 2008

Traumatized my brother — I think.

Filed under: Uncategorized — Tags: — kyraninse @ 11:21 pm

My brother just talked to me, asked me what was going on, etc.
He hasn’t talked to me properly in a while now, so I can’t help but think that my parents asked him to chat with me more to get a handle on my mood.
I talked with my dad recently about being depressed and I think I really surprised him because apparently he thought that me going on Prozac a while ago was just a “phase” I was going through.
So my brother asked me how I felt, and I told him the truth. I haven’t talked to him much, make that almost not that all, over the past four years, and I didn’t feel like fobbing him off with the usual “fine, thanks”.
I don’t know how he took the onslaught of information I gave him — I don’t even know if he was confused or bewildered by it. He’s such an amazingly composed person so often.
I often feel saddened that our family isn’t as close knit as it could be — I’m somewhat envious of a friend who has a familial list-serv and another who seems to have a much better extended family dynamic than I do.
But then, I’ve always felt like the duckling in the middle of swans when it comes to them.


June 13, 2008

Another wedding, will be back anon

Filed under: Uncategorized — kyraninse @ 2:54 am

This time it’s Courtanna’s wedding. We’ll be traveling on Friday the 13th, so wish us luck, all those that are superstitious.

It’s going to be 15 hours on the bus and then some. We’ll be staying at a friend’s place, so maybe Internet will still be in session. Kenny, Karl, and Sarah will all be there. I suspect it will be great fun.

June 12, 2008

New blog!

Filed under: Uncategorized — kyraninse @ 4:09 pm

I’ve been fiddling with a new blog and figured I should tell people about it.

Sometimes it’s easier to just link someone to something that I’ve written a page on rather than try to hash it out over IM, and I really wanted something that I could link anyone and everyone to.

Frankly, I’ve tried to make this a drama-free zone, but it’s failed. I do tend to want to write about what’s going on in my mind and the drama that often fills it. As such, it’s hardly something that fit for consumption by people like my coworkers.

So I made a new blog. Something I can show my parents, for example.

I’ll keep posting here, but it’ll be more of a personal blog rather than the pseudo-serious blog I was trying to make it.

I don’t know who-all reads this, but if you’re not one of my RL friends, drop me a note and I’ll email the new URL to you.

June 3, 2008

Livejournal prompts

Filed under: Uncategorized — kyraninse @ 10:59 pm


Don’t know if I like ’em or think they’re stupid…but…

“If you had the chance to go crazy and completely overhaul your appearance, what would you do?”

That’s such an awkwardly phrased question. Go crazy and completely overhaul how? As in plastic surgery crazy? Or “zomg I’m plastic putty lookit what I can do to myself” crazy? Or, are we going to be lame and just go for a haircut? Or makeup? Or..

What’s really odd for me is that I often look in the mirror and am completely surprised by the person who looks out at me. If I were the character of a fantasy novel, this would be my cue that obviously I’m either a faerie princess / alien / fill in the blank wierdo in hiding and my appearance has been changed for my own protection. As I’m fairly certain that my life is not in fantasy novel mode — I have no idea why this is so. It’s not self-esteem either, which would be the easy answer to that question, I just am sincerely surprised to see that person in the mirror when I’m expecting someone else.

I’m going to go with the “zomg I’m silly putty and I can do whatever I want to myself” setting of that question because it would be the most entertaining.

I think I would grow a couple of inches. I’m fairly tired of being in the almost always non-existent petite section of clothing stores. Also, it’s kind of frustrating to realize that I’m afraid to confront people because I’m afraid when they’re about a foot or so taller than me on average and correspondingly weighs more. I think 5’5 would be a nice compromise.

I’m not even sure what puts me off about my features, but I think I want longer eyelashes. I want Chris’ eyelashes. Or longer, thicker, etc.

I don’t really dislike my face. Higher cheekbones, bigger eyes, and a slimmer nose would be nice — if I were really going into small changes.


Does anyone else have that “wait, who is that staring out at me from the mirror?” thing often?

May 29, 2008

The sky as blue as love

Filed under: Uncategorized — Tags: — kyraninse @ 1:59 pm

I’m feeling out of sorts.

I’ve been fiddling with setting up a blog and hosting it on my own domain and whatnot — and it won’t work. It runs and hiccups and stops and starts and drives me nuts. Chris mentioned once that I might enjoy web design — for all I know he could be right and I’d like fiddling with sites to make them tick and shine — but oh my god I hate the tech aspect.

I try looking at guides and forum posts to piece together what went wrong and it’s all over my head. It’s not just something I can jump into, nor is it that intuitive.


It’s a gorgeous day out and all I can think about is whether I want to go to Courtanna’s wedding. I want to, but I’m not sure I can afford it. Between opportunity costs and Greyhound and hotel — ergh.

“The sun runs like silk down the waterfall of your hair and the wind glows with your spilled blood.”

I also want this summer to be over. College was limbo and now I’m still in limbo. I want a home, a stable job and permanence. God knows I haven’t had it, ever. I so envy Courtanna’s domestic bliss.

May 26, 2008

Applying for a citizenship …bah

Filed under: Uncategorized — kyraninse @ 12:15 am

So, I went and downloaded the forms today.

I’ve always found it interesting that the civics exams can cover questions that even the average American might not know the answer to. Such as, how many representatives do you have? Or, how does your state number in being added to the United States?

I think that cultures where they actually required their members to undergo a rite of passage and prove their mettle to the collective before they would be accepted as full-fledged members of society made slightly more sense.

As for right now, I’d say our youth has no idea if they’ve reached adulthood or not. They get sent conflicting messages constantly. They can volunteer for armed service before they can drink. They’re also charged with voting while they’re still considered underage. Even better, the many laws regarding sex is simply funny at times.

I often wonder how our society would be different if we actually made it a point to educate and train the younger generation. Not to romanticize  the good old days of yore — but it’s interesting to think about the things that they actually did do right in certain aspects.

May 24, 2008

For all that’s good and holy …

Filed under: Uncategorized — kyraninse @ 8:05 pm

I just found out — rather belatedly, I’m afraid — that an Austrian man locked up his own daughter since she was 18 in the cellar, fathered seven children on her…

And is now appealing insanity.

So, after he plotted it out in great detail since she was 12 — including constructing the jail where she was kept for 24 years with a door that weighs half a ton — raped her repeatedly, forced her to bear him seven children without the benefits of medical assistance, allowed her and her children’s health to deteriorate to the point where one of the kids is in a medically induced coma…

He’s pleading insanity NOW?

I don’t even know if I agree that he’s insane or not. Certainly his actions support the idea. But I can’t imagine someone who so cold-bloodedly and logically planned this out as being under the control of a mental disorder — which is what cinches it for me, in the end.

Sure, he may be insane, but I don’t believe that should free him from being imprisoned in a dark cell underground and hopefully raped up the ass till he hemorrhages out repeatedly and fed sugar till all his teeth fall out like Elisabeth’s did.  Too bad he’s 73 and probably wouldn’t survive that long even if they did convict him.


Money blogs and college students

Filed under: Uncategorized — Tags: , , , — kyraninse @ 12:53 am

Bah, it’s now 51 minutes past my deadline. 😦 So I’m going to be double posting today.

Anyways. I’ve been reading financial blogs and it’s struck me that no one really has many good ideas for college students.

To be honest, I don’t think the “spend less than you earn” concept applies when you don’t have a job.

I suppose that begs the remark “then get off your lazy bum and find one”.

Frankly, I went to a private college that required you to petition for a class overload because the normal 4 credit course load was considered more than enough work to keep us occupied, and I wouldn’t have liked to have taken on a 40 hour work week on top of that.

Not to mention, really, if I’m paying out my nose for a good education, I really want to make the most of it. Maybe do an internship or two, participate in some extracurricular activities, do some networking — perhaps even have a life.

Call me spoiled if you like. I suppose I am.

But then — with that mindset it’s undeniable that the run of the mill financial blog is not very helpful. With an eye towards that, I’m looking for ideas that are slightly more feasible.

May 22, 2008

Procrastinating versus impatience

Filed under: Uncategorized — Tags: , , , — kyraninse @ 9:21 pm

I really want to call Zora and ask her if the landlady approved of having 5, potentially 4 people renting the apartment Zora found.

We’re not taking the 2k a month apartment after all, since Zora found something that is slightly more run-down in the kitchen, but $700 cheaper and no broker fee.

The only problem is that the landlady had to talk with her husband about being willing to rent to 5 people. The other thing is that there is no rent control — which considering that since the house-buying market is slumping, it means that rents will be taking a hike. Very unpleasant.

I’m not sure how much to poke Roza about it. After all, she has her own matters to attend to, and I feel vaguely guilty about her doing all the legwork — but then I’m not in the area. It’s at this point that I almost wish that I had taken up my parents on their offer to find me an apartment in Boston and just jump-start the search there.

In the end, when looking at apartments in such a housing climate, it may be worth it to get a more expensive apartment with rent control than a cheaper one without — depending on how long you plan to live there.

Personally, I don’t want to move again once we get to Boston unless it’s to a house that I bought, so if I were living with life-minded people, then I “might” go for the 2k a month place. However, that 1k broker fee is seriously frightening.

I tried looking up broker fees and I’m not sure that 50% of a month’s rent is typical, since I saw some people commenting on 12% broker fees for their apartment.

Anyways, we’ll see.

May 18, 2008

Twitter or no? And on that note…

Filed under: Uncategorized — kyraninse @ 2:42 am

It seems that people first heard about the earthquake in China through Twitter.

That’s pretty impressive, I can see how it is a powerful tool — potentially even more amazing if you have a network of dedicated journalist-bloggers who have a good eye and ear on the grapevine.

Now I’m tempted to look into getting Twitter — although I can see how some people would only be talking about what they just had for lunch. Not to bash cheese-sandwiching — but still…

Also, I love the “schedule” your posts function so I can leave home for a jaunt and still maintain my daily blogging hope. I never even really took a good look at it before this.

I’m really thinking about getting my own website so I can set up slightly more complicated functions such as polls, archive backups, and so on. Or it may be that I can do it all from WordPress, and I’m just too tech-illiterate to do it. On the other hand — I’d have to poke Chris about setting it up for me, so I should probably only do it if I really want to look up how to do it myself.

Also, I’m feeling pretty torn about what comments to allow. In the name of free speech, maybe I should be allowing whatever non-linkage spam that is posted. However, I really don’t think that endless strings of lol really helps the free-speech movement.

Any takers on that one?

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